How someone with autism views all your ridiculous dating habits

Published: Fusion (June 7, 2016)

As someone with autism, I’ve often wondered if there’s anything I can do to make neurotypicals, the name for you folks in the non-autistic community, less unpredictable to myself. I pose this question not as an attack or criticism. It’s just that those of us with high-functioning autism—or Asperger’s Syndrome in my case—struggle every day with your seemingly illogical behavior.

For me, this question applies to every realm of socialization, but for the sake of brevity (and this piece) I’ve chosen to focus on dating because it forces me to be at my most emotionally intimate and vulnerable. Based on my own experiences dating neurotypical women and writing about dating with Asperger’s, I believe there’s still a lot of understanding to explore—but first we need to identify the underlying reason for the mismatch in emotion and expectation. read more

Satire: Some Quips on Unsolicited Dick Pics

Published: The Good Men Project (April 5, 2016)

Every so often a deadline looms and I need a good peg for a story. Since I’m pretty spent with droning endlessly on about super-serious subjects, I figured I should address a somewhat more frivolous – albeit still disturbing – topic.

So let’s talk about the creeps who send unsolicited dick pics.

Personally I never thought I would write that sentence, but over the past few months I keep hearing about men who send these photographs to unsuspecting women on dating websites. These women include my friends and various exes, as well as countless individuals who complain about this online. Hell, I even know a couple of dudes who have been on the receiving end of unsolicited dick pics… and as someone who participated in online dating myself, I am mystified by the practice. read more

Thanks for the Automated Valentine!

Published: The Good Men Project (February 13, 2016)

First, I just want to add that I’m a big fan of Film Brain, the British movie critic whose web series “Bad Movie Beatdown” manages to intelligently deconstruct some of the worst motion pictures ever made. Since our Twitter conversation inspired this piece, I figured it would only be appropriate to preface this article with a gratitude plug.

Now for the tweets themselves:

An option to “Autocompose a Valentine” kinda takes the romance out of it, wouldn’t you say? read more

3 Quick Tips for Awkward, Lonely Nerds

Published: The Good Men Project (September 15, 2015)

Back in January, Salon ran an editorial by famous writer and game show winner Arthur Chu called “The plight of the bitter nerd.” Apparently this piece proved quite popular, since it has recently reemerged as one of the site’s biggest hits, and there is good reason for this. Instead of taking a simplistic approach to the concerns and feelings of bitter nerds like himself, Chu acknowledges that “it seems in every group of nerdy guys I’ve known there’s one guy who’s trapped in a feedback loop of anxiety and self-loathing when it comes to women that goes around and around in circles.” Indeed, he admits that he’s very lucky to get away from being at a similar emotional place only a few years earlier. read more

Why We Need To Bring Back Crushes

Published: The Good Men Project (August 20, 2015)

Let’s talk about crushes.

I recently noticed that when adults discuss their romantic feelings, the term “crush” is almost never used. When it does appear, there is almost always an apologetic undertone to it – people will qualify their crushes with adjectives like “schoolboy” or “schoolgirl” (as in, “I have a bit of a schoolboy crush on you”), or will in some other way indicate that they feel the emotion they’re displaying is childish. read more

Love Online, Love at First Sight, and Other Romances We Don’t Trust: An Interview with Dating Consultant Laura Gub

Published: Good Men Project (June 16, 2015)

An interview with dating consultant Laura Gub on the kinds of love we’re least likely to trust.

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Last week the Internet was sent into a tizzy over news that actress Lark Voorhies, best known for her starring role in the ’90s sitcom “Saved by the Bell,” had married a man she’d known less than a year… and met on Facebook. Since then, Voorhies’ mother has spoken out against her daughter’s relationship, accusing husband Jimmy Green of being a gang member exploiting her daughter’s psychologically fragile state.

This raises an interesting question: At a time when 38 percent of “single and looking” American adults have used online dating or mobile app sites, is it possible to actually fall in love with someone you know primarily online? read more

3 Correctable Behaviors That Destroy Relationships

Published: Good Men Project (May 30, 2015)

Matthew Rozsa identifies 3 things to stop doing if you want to give your relationship—romantic, platonic, familiar, et cetera—a chance.

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Roughly four weeks ago, an ex-girlfriend of mine (with whom I had maintained a close friendship for the year-and-a-half since our break up) texted me that she wished I wasn’t always analyzing her. Considering that she knew full well that this tendency is a direct result of having Asperger’s Syndrome —  after all, a condition which makes it impossible to naturally read unspoken social cues requires those afflicted with it to intellectualize the human behavior they encounter — I responded as if her remarks were a deliberate insult, and as such immediately went on the attack. read more